ARE WE ALL BIASED?
Yes, indeed, even the West, while extensively critiquing bias and endeavoring to educate society through films and narratives…
I remember encountering that cry for the first time in those poorly translated films from my childhood: “YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME!” It wasn’t until I grew older that I truly understood its significance.
Have you ever heard the West acknowledge or apologize for the double standards that we frequently criticize? Or express a willingness to change?
They are completely oblivious!
“Judged: The Value of Being Misunderstood” is authored by Ziyad Marar, the chief editor at SAGE Publishing. Born in Baghdad, Iraq, in 1966, Marar spent time in Riyadh and Lebanon before making London his home. He studied psychology at the University of Exeter and earned his master’s degree in the philosophy of language and psychology from the University of London. Drawing from his diverse experiences, Ziyad Marar, a multicultural writer and thinker, explores themes of misunderstanding and judgment, illustrating his points with a personal anecdote.
Let’s begin by examining the book and then determine what insights emerge after we sift through it—a topic I’ve previously addressed: bias (https://lnkd.in/dxvc4iv2).
Ziyad Marar (*), an author and intellectual, has faced professional misjudgments due to cultural stereotypes and biases. He recounts how his viewpoints were often overlooked or undervalued simply because they didn’t fit the dominant narratives in the Western intellectual landscape. His experiences as a cultural and professional outsider have significantly influenced his path. Despite sending his work to over a hundred publishers, he was only invited for one interview, which ultimately led to a rejection. His father once pointed out that his first name might be a hurdle and suggested he use his middle name, Paul. Marar applied for seven positions under that name, securing four interviews and receiving job offers from several of them. Interestingly, one of those offers came from Sage, the same company that had previously rejected him when he applied as Ziyad. Ultimately, Sage was the only publisher that invited him for an interview using his real name, and he chose to collaborate with them as Ziyad.
Despite facing these challenges, Marar highlights how these experiences, rooted in cultural differences, significantly contributed to his personal and professional development. They prompted him to reflect on his identity and seek greater authenticity in his work. By fostering open communication, he turned the discomfort from misunderstandings into an opportunity for a more nuanced and empathetic approach to his writing and relationships. The cultural misunderstandings he encountered throughout his multicultural experiences helped him bridge cultural gaps and enriched his intellectual contributions with a variety of perspectives.
Reflecting on my journey, I realized that I, too, have faced similar situations, albeit for different reasons. For example, being the boss’s son while striving to perform like any other employee often didn’t feel genuine to those around me. After getting married, we lived in a modest apartment in Fındıkzade, Kızıl Elma, for several years. Those days were rough, with electricity and water outages all the time. It was funny, though—our neighbors would often ask, “You must be well-off; what are you doing living in our neighborhood?”
Marar’s book centers on the idea that misunderstandings, while often painful, can pave the way for meaningful personal growth and a better understanding of ourselves and those around us, as approaching differences with empathy and striving to act more authentically after a misunderstanding reveals the deeper and multi-dimensional nature of misunderstandings, along with their intrinsic value in personal and social contexts. The book examines the psychological, philosophical, and sociological aspects of misunderstanding, arguing that what’s usually seen as a negative experience can lead to significant personal development and greater self-awareness, helping us forge more genuine connections with others.
Marar points out that misunderstandings are just a part of communication. Our different backgrounds, experiences, and perceptions can result in various interpretations of the same message. He emphasizes that it’s quite uncommon for individuals to fully understand each other, and instead of being afraid of misunderstandings, we should anticipate them. I recently discussed this topic from a scientific perspective in Dan Ariely’s book, *The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty. * It’s worth checking out. (https://muratulker.com/y/mantiksiz-seylere-neden-inaniriz/).
The book also examines the psychological impact of misunderstandings on self-esteem and identity. Marar points out that, although misunderstandings can be painful, they compel individuals to reconsider their beliefs and communication styles. By confronting these misunderstandings, people become better at openly sharing their feelings and thoughts.
In his exploration, Marar discusses how social norms and cultural contexts influence the interpretation of our relationships and actions.
He further asserts that misunderstanding holds intrinsic value, as it encourages individuals to think outside traditional frameworks, thereby nurturing creativity and innovation. Recognizing misunderstandings breaks the monotony of consensus, leading to the emergence of new ideas and perspectives, he states.
While misunderstandings might create a bit of distance, they also have the potential to deepen empathy and strengthen relationships. Ultimately, this process helps foster a more compassionate society.
Marar offers practical advice on how to overcome misunderstandings in everyday life. He advocates for open-mindedness, active listening, and tackling challenging conversations. By embracing misunderstandings instead of shying away from them, individuals can cultivate awareness and forge deeper, more resilient relationships.
His book, *Judged: The Value of Being Misunderstood* invites readers to reconsider the phenomenon of misunderstanding. According to Marar’s insightful analysis, misunderstanding can serve not merely as a communication barrier but as a powerful catalyst for personal growth, authentic self-expression, and deeper social connections.
So, what remains after sifting through these ideas?
The term “judgment” evokes the numerous social and moral evaluations we place on one another. We frequently find ourselves making judgments—both positive and negative—but these assessments are often incomplete, inconsistent, and distorted. This unreliability in our judgments arises from our inability to fully understand one another. When you think about it, we all have countless memories associated with this.
Ziyad Marar aptly refers to these complex and often dangerous social interactions as a “Social Minefield.” He describes social norms as the unwritten rules that dictate acceptable behavior within a group or society. These norms are shaped by cultural, historical, and contextual factors, resulting in significant variations across different social settings. The fear of being judged or misunderstood can increase anxiety and self-awareness in social situations. This fear can be debilitating, leading individuals to withdraw from social interactions or conform to behaviors that don’t genuinely reflect their identity. Marar highlights the importance of compassion and adaptability in overcoming social anxiety and fostering confidence in social environments.
Marar offers several practical strategies for exploring the social minefield:
1- Enhancing Social Intelligence: Enhancing one’s ability to read social cues, understand social norms, and adapt behavior accordingly. Social intelligence encompasses the ability to be observant, and empathetic, and to handle one’s emotions and responses with skill.
2- Effective Communication: Minimizing misunderstandings through clear and direct communication. This includes active listening, asking clarifying questions, and expressing oneself authentically and respectfully.
3- Empathy: Cultivating empathy to better understand and appreciate others’ perspectives and experiences.
4- Setting Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries to protect oneself from negative social influences and interactions.
5- Embracing Flexibility: Acknowledging the variable nature of social norms and expectations to remain adaptable and open in social situations.
Marar advocates for self-reflection, a practice I engage in frequently. I often construct hypothetical scenarios with the individuals I wish to engage and assign them roles, effectively scripting my dialogue. This allows individuals to gain insight into their behavior and its impact on others.
The internet is truly one of the social minefields. In recent years, we have been dedicating immense time and effort to expressing ourselves online. By connecting to each other’s networks, we engage in more intense communication and judge each other more frequently. People’s hunger for self-esteem or validation is increasingly fed through online bullying or the widespread use of platforms like Snapchat or Instagram, where selfies and gossip thrive. The digital world has intensified our tendency to judge and be judged. However, the digital realm isn’t the one creating this—it merely feeds our age-old appetite. Now, social judgment has spread everywhere in the digital space. With the click of a button, we have all become broadcasters, reaching broader audiences. This speed in communication has led us to pass judgment quickly, even when we misunderstand the context. Observing others and judging their lives leads us to either recognize the value in our own or, conversely, ponder how they perceive us. Are we simply aiming to feel justified and comfortable?
Or are we striving for a positive reputation? Reputation has become a form of social currency. It determines how individuals are perceived, treated, and influenced by others. A strong reputation can create opportunities and foster trust, whereas a poor reputation can result in exclusion and suspicion. Marar points out that reputation is shaped by personal actions, social interactions, and the narratives of others. Since reputation is influenced by the perceptions and judgments of others, it is crucial to be aware of how our words and actions are interpreted. The author is right, but is this even possible in a world full of ill-intentioned reputation merchants? In the end, I am one of those who paid the price for being active on social media, enduring one of the harshest character assassinations.
Marar also explores the idea of “impression management,” where individuals intentionally adjust their behavior to project a specific image. This can involve indirect messaging, sharing relevant stories, or employing hypothetical scenarios, like what I have mentioned earlier. Yet, being straightforward in expressing a judgment or feeling can often be more impactful. Moreover, providing space to address unasked questions can enhance communication.
In the digital age, the visibility and permanence of our actions have increased, making reputation management more challenging and complex. Social media platforms serve as a stage for individuals to shape their public image, leading to increased pressure to be more mindful and uphold a positive reputation. Drawing a clear line between one’s public and private self helps individuals navigate the complexities of reputation management. While being mindful of public perception is important, it’s equally essential to preserve a sense of privacy and authenticity in one’s personal life. Marar warns against manipulative or deceptive tactics to enhance one’s reputation, highlighting that a reputation founded on falsehoods is ultimately unsustainable and harmful.
Marar offers several practical strategies for building and maintaining a solid reputation:
– Consistency: Aligning actions and words with personal values and character to build a trustworthy and credible reputation.
– Transparency: Being transparent and honest in interactions to foster trust and credibility.
– Self-Reflection: Regularly reflecting on one’s behavior and its impact on others to ensure alignment with personal values.
– Sensitivity: Remaining open to feedback and willing to make amends when necessary to maintain a positive reputation.
– Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries between public and private life to preserve authenticity and manage reputation effectively.
To build and maintain a reputation in harmony with one’s true self, a balance between authenticity and conscious reputation management is essential.
Marar highlights several fundamental biases:
– Confirmation Bias: The tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information that confirms our pre-existing beliefs while ignoring or dismissing evidence of contradiction.
– Attribution Bias: The habit of attributing our behavior to situational factors, while attributing others’ behavior to their character or personality.
– Halo Effect: Allowing one positive characteristic or impression of a person to influence our overall judgment of them.
Our perceptions are largely shaped by the social norms, cultural values, and societal structures we are embedded in. These influences result in consistent biases in our perceptions of others, often reflecting broader social prejudices and stereotypes. Marar emphasizes how being misjudged can lead to feelings of frustration, alienation, and unfair treatment. On a larger scale, the cumulative effect of biased and unreliable judgments can lead to discrimination and social injustice. Recognizing the flaws in our judgments paves the way for increased empathy and understanding.
To mitigate the effects of unreliable judgments, Marar suggests several practical strategies:
– Active Listening: Engaging in active listening to gain a deeper understanding of others’ perspectives and mitigate our own biases.
– Self-Reflection: Regularly reflecting on our biases and assumptions to enhance awareness of how they influence our judgments.
– Seeking Diverse Perspectives: Actively pursuing different viewpoints to challenge and expand our understanding of others.
– Questioning First Impressions: Exercising caution with first impressions and investing time to gather additional information before forming judgments.
Recognizing the inherent limitations and biases in human judgment is crucial. Only by doing so can we develop more accurate and empathetic perceptions of others. Marar advocates for a conscious effort to break free from the constraints of misunderstandings, foster empathy, and promote open communication. Without this effort, individuals may feel constrained by the injustices they have faced, resulting in feelings of frustration, isolation, and self-doubt. This sense of entrapment can hinder their ability to engage authentically in relationships and social interactions.
A key approach to overcoming the limitations imposed by misunderstanding is to embrace surrender. Marar asserts that surrender, which involves vulnerability, is crucial for genuine self-expression and building meaningful connections. It is through this openness that we can foster opportunities for deeper understanding and stronger relationships with others.
Marar emphasizes the role of empathy in breaking the cycle of misunderstanding. Cultivating empathy necessitates a proactive commitment to understanding the perspectives and experiences of others. This entails a readiness to listen, pose questions, and engage in open and sincere dialogue.
Open communication serves as another essential strategy. According to Marar, effective communication encompasses not just the clear expression of one’s thoughts but also an openness to the viewpoints of others. Transparency, honesty, and active listening are vital in cultivating an environment that allows for the identification and resolution of misunderstandings. By promoting open communication, barriers are dismantled, trust is built, and interactions become more authentic and meaningful. Marar encourages readers to reflect on their own beliefs, biases, and communication styles, as personal growth is attained once individuals gain a better understanding of how they are viewed by others and recognize the impact of their actions and words on those around them. Highlighting courage as a vital component in the process of liberation, Marar notes that confronting misunderstandings, challenging societal norms, and advocating for one’s true self is about facing uncertainty with flexibility and determination.
To help overcome misunderstandings, Marar suggests several practical strategies:
– Practicing Self-Reflection: Regularly reviewing one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to gain a better understanding of oneself.
– Attentive Listening: Paying close attention to others’ words and non-verbal cues to better understand their perspectives.
– Encouraging Open Dialogue: Fostering environments that encourage honest and open dialogue, allowing misunderstandings to be openly discussed and clarified.
– Seeking Diverse Experiences: Exposing oneself to different perspectives and experiences to broaden understanding and reduce biases.
– Embracing Authenticity: Striving to live in alignment with one’s true values and beliefs, even in the face of misunderstandings.
Final Judgments
Ziyad Marar defines “final judgments” as the definitive conclusions we draw about others, situations, or even ourselves—judgments that can be either liberating or limiting, depending on the context. When individuals internalize these final judgments, whether positive or negative, they influence their self-concept and behavior. As a result, people can develop a fragile sense of self, overly dependent on external validation based on how others perceive them.
On the other hand, the opposite can also occur. For instance, whenever I check into a hotel—whether in Japan, China, or France—I’m always provided with prayer rugs and similar items as if it’s expected. This is what I call “hüsnü zan,” a term we use to describe holding a positive preconceived notion about someone. In the Quran, Surah Al-Hujurat, verses 12 and 13, the Almighty tells us: “O believers! Avoid any suspicions, for indeed, some suspicions are sinful. And do not spy, nor backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of their dead brother? You would despise that! And fear Allah. Surely Allah is the Accepter of Repentance, Most Merciful.” It is also our belief system that defines the goal of life as “hüsnü hatime,” which means aiming for a beautiful end. That’s the essence (https://muratulker.com/y/giybet-testi-birini-isirir-misiniz/).
Marar delves into the different biases that influence our final judgments:
– Stereotyping: The tendency to apply generalized beliefs about a group to individual members, which can lead to unfair and incorrect judgments.
– Anchoring Bias: The tendency to heavily rely on the first piece of information encountered when making decisions, with the potential of distorting subsequent judgments.
– Self-Serving Bias: The tendency to attribute successes to internal factors and failures to external ones, which can skew both an individual’s judgments and how they are perceived by others.
Marar highlights the importance of recognizing that, despite appearing permanent, final judgments are not fixed; people and situations are dynamic and subject to change. Abandoning rigid assessments allows us to free ourselves from limitations. When we shift away from the necessity of making conclusive decisions, we foster a more harmonious and compassionate outlook. Letting go of definitive judgments can enhance our empathy, understanding, and personal development.
To navigate the complexities of final judgments, Marar offers several practical strategies:
– Continuous Learning: Remaining receptive to new insights and experiences that can refine and reshape our judgments.
– Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion to mitigate the negative effects of harsh self-judgment and foster a healthier self-concept.
– Perspective-Taking: Actively striving to understand others’ viewpoints to form more balanced and fair judgments.
– Flexibility: Embracing a flexible mindset regarding judgments, acknowledging that individuals and circumstances can evolve.
– Critical Thinking: Identifying our existing biases and assumptions and challenging them through a critical thinking process.
Ziyad Marar asserts that while experiencing misunderstanding can be painful and complicate life, it ultimately serves as a catalyst for personal growth, enhances self-awareness, and nurtures genuine connections. By embracing vulnerability and practicing empathy along with open communication, you can effectively navigate the intricacies of social judgment, leading to a more nuanced and compassionate understanding of both you and those around you. In the end, being a good person begins with self-awareness and self-regulation.
(**)https://www.dr.com.tr/Kitap/Mutluluk-Paradoksu/Ziyad-Marar/Egitim-Basvuru/Psikoloji-Bilimi
Note: This open-source article does not require copyright and can be quoted by citing the author.